Oh, Darling!
by OakwoodOuroboros
Summary: Crack drabble collection (do people actually read drabbles?). What if Ragnarok got a girlfriend? Only chaos could ensue. Particularly with having to drag Crona all over the place… Or getting them to drag him places. Featuring some very ambiguous Kirona! As usual, warnings and ANs in my bio.
1. Love at first sight

The first time he set eyes on her, she was serving in the local DeathBucks coffee shop… The red-head waitress was cute, had freckles, and _boobs_. That was enough for his brain to go directly into overdrive at her sight.

She had always been a smart girl. Street-smart, that is, with a quick tongue rather than a face forever stuck between the pages of a book. She still didn't expect the hand flipping her skirt, and turned around with her palm raised to smack, but instead of that, her eyes met his, and it was over.

Their life was complete.


	2. Prepping for a first date

"I-I-I'm sorry?"

He rolled his eyes at his wimp of a Meister. Pathetic.

"Yes, you good-for-nothing shrimp. I'm going on a date. And _you're_ bringing me there."

Unfortunately, the shivering reflection in the mirror straightened, and the watery gaze became steely. That cow Maka really was making some progress.

"N-N-No I'm not. I-it's out of the question."

A sly smile spread across his face, and he leaned in close to whisper into pink-framed ear. "And how's about I shouted out some, well, _juicy_ rumours concerning you and Stripes tomorrow lunchtime, hm?"

"All right, wh-where is it?"

Victory never tasted sweeter.


	3. First date from an unlucky person's pov

Crona sighed and rested their head further in their arms on the back of the chair, but couldn't quite completely relax. Even though they knew that Ragnarok had their back, the lady he was chatting to was still a potential menace. They frowned for the hundredth time that night, thinking back to their conversation in the dungeons, then the fact that both him _and_ the lady had insisted that they sit backwards on the chair, to give them some privacy.

Slurpy noises were heard from over their shoulder, and they tensed. This was going to be a long, uncomfortable evening.


	4. 1st date from a lucky person's pov

The brat still listened to him without too much fuss, and even when they didn't, Wendy had been there to help him get them to shut up. Her face was beautiful through the dimmed lights, oval shaped and nicely emphasized by heavy eyeliner. And her _boobs_. He couldn't believe them.

"Your breasts are magnificent," he said in a voice which unfortunately hadn't lost its annoying squeakiness. But she only giggled at the comment and turned her lovestruck gaze back to his.

"You really do know how to talk to a woman," she rasped, as she leaned in for a kiss.


	5. 1st date from a(n un?)lucky person's pov

He had come in through the posh restaurant's doors as only a prince could: sitting majestically on a cushion of lilac, flaming red rose held between teeth of china. At his sight, she had swooned, which she had quickly regretted. Did he see her as nothing more than an enamoured teenager?  
She was quickly reassured when she caught his eyes and saw that the only emotion that played out there was adoration. After that, the night was flawless. They drank red wine, and her courage bolstered by the alcohol, had leaned in for a kiss. It was sweet, giddying: perfect.


	6. Don't drink alcohol, kids

It had happened before, and of course it had to happen again. Walking to the restaurant in the first place had been a piece of cake: it was getting back that was the problem. After paying the check (with THEIR cash. Of course.), the demon blade courteously let the lady take the last cab waiting, condemning them to a walk through Death City's darkened streets. Once the taillights had disappeared, Ragnarok had decided to do so as well, leaving a semi-inebriated Crona (obviously, seeing as they share the same blood) to stumble their own way back to the dungeons.

 _Brilliant._


	7. Those urrrgh days

As soon as they woke, they knew it was going to be a bad day. Hungover and exhausted, they dragged themself to class, falling asleep midway through (and saved by a certain albino's elbow in the ribs). And then there was the lunch break, the one where Maka pulled them away from the crowd of friends by the arm to an empty classroom, and gave them a good talking-to.

"What's wrong? You look ill."

"I-I promise it's not my fault…"

"Right. Just spill," she commanded wearily.

And they did. Everything.

They spent the rest of the day in the dispensary.


	8. As much as I love you…

"I'm so sorry! I was aiming for Ragnarok, I swear!"

To tell the truth, Crona was getting tired of the incessant apologies that were being rained down on them since they had had their face smashed in earlier. As much as they adored Maka, Kid's quiet presence was at the moment miles more soothing to their sorry state than her flustered one.

"Maka, you can go back to class now. I'll take it from here."

They sighed in relief as she dutifully left, and they relaxed back into their pillow, and the soft touch of Kid's hand on their own.


	9. Ballet

They were back on their feet in the evening, just in time for their ballet class. They had taken up the activity after being pressed by friends and teachers to take up something artistic, and wanting to lighten up their heavy fighting style.

It was as they had nearly finished their stretches that they felt something collide with them, and their fighting instincts awoke instantly. They raised their arm, waiting for Ragnarok's hilt to form in their hand, but he didn't. He had already formed on their back, and turning their head a little, they caught a flash of red.


End file.
